the estimations of preciousness
this weird twinge of mixed emotions floods me every now n then.its so much combined.
sourish pain which isnt jealousy.
juz sourish.
mayb everyone has different tastebuds when it comes to pain.
like how i feel the inserting of a needle on skin, FEELS sourish.
dribs n drabs of sadness.
the sort which u weep unknowingly about.
and the tears just fall, so very naturally.
as if, it was meant to fall not because of grief.
but yet it doesnt stop until the logical side of you realises so
and theres tht sudden jolt back to reality.
where sometimes.
i give mySELF, excuses, explanations,
reasons to believe,
to convince my logical SELF.
lil lil lil sparks of
perhaps, maybe, should be, will be,
next time,
its alright,
not too bad.
there, its fine. im fine. its fine.
mantras of self-contentment, again.
forgotten.
again.
and again.
be loved, be loved, be loved.
beloved.
happy sparks fire out like little needles cold n SOURISH to the skin.
sparks are all but short lived.
yet the radiance of it may live for a long, long, hopefully if u get lucky, forever sorta time.
like the lil radiating sparks of a diamond.
and so i hold on.
for my little sparks.
wishes r all thts so pretty now.
and how cld preciousness eva b measured.
rahhhh
11:37 PM
Friday, June 15, 2007
unicorns n fairies.
Somewhere over the rainbowWay up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?
rahhhh
10:38 PM
shopped
you din find me when i got lost.i dunno what and why i hoped.
rahhhh
12:27 AM
Sunday, June 10, 2007
dreams last for so long
im kinda sick with working.though my kids r sooooooooooooo CUTE.
so much so i feel like kidnapping em home.
o wells.
i guess its the early morns.
huge responsibility thing. since we r like accountable for the kids.
and there r like ALOT of kids.
im dying to go for my lil holiday.
like NOW.
ugly betty cracks me up.
my boyfren is turning drama mama.
i think its the watch-too-much-vcd syndrome.
note: get me the 200 pound beauty movie ok.
my hair doesnt seem to grow long. it just stays at the same length. which is irritating.
i shld go back n get my ugly betty fringe.
im bored.
this is happening alot nowadays.
rahhhh
10:56 PM
Friday, June 08, 2007
patience. and the lack of it.
i cant seem to figure out the workings of wads enough, horrendously little, and way overboard.my patience seems to hav a mood of its own.
somedays all is dandy n i feel sumhow, i can take on everything, regardlss of how frustrated i was a couple of nights ago.
and then comes the days. PATIENCE. where it explodes outta me, and i feel like thrashing it out. PATIENCE.
but then again, how wld thrashing it out eva work, when, the situation of patience is well, way overboard with the lovebug overruling my sense of freedom n self-absorption, and then my patience with its mood swings. PATIENCE .grow absurdly much at these times i think i may hav risen n became a saint. PATIENCE .ok mayb not a saint, but heck, a absurdly good person. too good for my own satisfaction coz it deprives me frm living my life for myself, just for the sake of being happy. PATIENCE. its a cycle. PATIENCE .one vicious enough to eat away at my soul, the one which is witty infront of people im unfamiliar with. PATIENCE .the dandy times r happy song times. PATIENCE. the times where i choose to leave everythings of ridiculous frettishness at the back of my brain. PATIENCE. the one i hardly use. PATIENCE .to save more space for ridiculous stuff like studies. PATIENCE .since they, in this scholarlistic world, one which accepts only extreme geniuses in constricted spheres of arts to truly excel n hav their sparks of talents paid off. PATIENCE.
and suddenly. just all so suddenly it all feels non-existance at the sound of a voice.
which i deem dumb.
cause of my weakness.
my extreme patience and its horrendous mood swings. which rise.
when. i cant bear to.
and thats the only reason.
the very sole reason.
of my ridiculous typing of horrendous nonsense that may seem, will seem, incomprehensible to readers.
i want to type patience a thousnad times. weave it into the passage semalessly. so u can understand what im going through.
i cant, i wont, i dun feel like, SINCE im not one of THOSE literary geniuses
i pause cause i reflect, i ponder, i heave a deep sigh.
cause i learnt to.
i express. cause i try to.
excuses r powerfully overwhelming at times.
perhaps. maybe. i guess. its frustration.
FRUSTRATION.
frustration at my patience.
PATIENCE.
AND THE LACK OF IT.
rahhhh
11:35 PM
Sunday, June 03, 2007
ugly betty
i named my kids.chloe joelle lin rui qi
phoebe rachelle lin rui xue
annika jody lin rui en
damien michael lin
duey issac lin
:)
i feel like a sow.
the surname might change if the one in brunei screws up. so u heard me. DUN SCREW UP. hur.
and i want the malcom series please........ grins grins.
i hope uni life will b fun. or at least interesting.
o ya. and of course im so hoping my taiwan trip in mid july to cum true!!!!!
rachie liau. SAVE SAVE SAVE. ok tht applies to me too.
and miss ong qiqi, pls pls pls get our tickets n all!
so exciting.
hur hur.
if all the raindrops were lemondrops n gumdrops
oooo wad a rain tht wld be.
standing outside with my mouth open wide.
ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh.
if all the raindrops were lemondrops n gumdrops
oooo wad a rain tht wld be.
if all the sunbeams were lollipops n ice cream
oooo wad a sun tht wld be
standing outside with my mouth open wide.
ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh.
if all the sunbeams were lollipops n ice cream
oooo wad a sun tht wld be.
lifes pretty dull now.
no one to walk walk with on weekends.
coz sumone is in brunei the place of cheap vcds. haz.
so i sleep alot alot alot more.
the SATs were fun.
seriously.
it was so mind boggling.
as in it actually required thinking.
tht only applies to the english sections.
the math was pretty ok.
for a person who takes ao math.
but seriously. the govt cld actually consider using the englsih SATs as references. its so much more enriching in my opinion.
o ya.
my tution kid is killing me SLOWLY.
how can sumone in pri one not know the terms for the different colours in chinese.
argh.
i neva want my kid to grow up as sum kantang.
i may sound like one.
but hey, i know my chinese ok.
talking bout voices. mr tong is totally right bout my voice. i worry bout it too. though they tell me i hav a grown up voice which i use at times. but i dun remember having a more matured voice. so........... if i dunno where it is how do i code switch when i need to code switch. sighs. kill me will you. i bet this is karma. since i used to think tae voices was totally disgusting. of course thts before i realised HEY HOW WONDERFUL I HAVE A TAE VOICE. ALL SAY YAY! and then kill me please.
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cause thats wad i want to be.
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